A Selfish Summer Remembered

I love this picture.  It was taken by Jen as I hit mile 1500 of the summer.  This memory invokes so many warm and happy thoughts, memories of endless miles of Minnesota sunshine and sweat.  Days and evenings spent doing what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it.  It was taken the summer of 2014, my selfish summer. 

2013 had ended crummy.  No job, living in my parents' basement, leaving my friends in Iowa - basically rock bottom in my book.  Then 2014 came along and things started to look up.  A new job that gave me back my nights and weekends, new bike-loving buddies, a new apartment, new roads to bike and a new challenge: RAGBRAI.  I wanted 2014 to be the year of me, I knew that it may just be my last summer where the only person I needed to consider when making decision was me.  This concept was a little out of the normal for me, I am use to putting others before me when it comes to so many things, but that summer, well, I was ready for a change.

As the snow of winter started melting away, my focus turned to my two wheeled buddy and the adventures that awaited us.  I joined the Central Minnesota Bike Club, met my new bike buddy, Jen, and starting adding on the miles so I would feel prepared for the three days of RAGBRAI that were waiting for me at the end of July.  The summer was one of bliss, I put in over 2000 miles, met new amazing people, survived my days of RAGBRAI, completed my first century ride, and felt healthier and happier than I had in awhile.  Me, myself and my bike were some happy, happy people.  Er.  Person and bike.  You get the idea.

Then 2014 came to end, I met Curtis in 2015 and things started to change.  My bike didn't get see as many consistent miles, instead my car did during my many trips to Clear Lake to see Curtis.  My summer tan started to fad along with the strength in my legs, but for all of the things that were starting to fad, new things began to bloom.  My days with my bike turned into weekends traveling across state lines and evenings working on graduate courses at St. Cloud State University.  My life was changing and other factors made their way into my decision making, not in necessarily a bad way, simply a new way.  

Now three years, a move to Iowa, a new house, and 20 pounds later, I am finally getting back on the bike with intention.  While I may never have my selfish summer back, I am learning ways to incorporate it into my new normal.  I have come to understand that when it comes to self-care, it is truly putting your care first, especially when others rely on you.  I am learning that even having a selfish hour, night or day can help me start to feel whole again and to remind me of the sunshine and warmth of pure selfish bliss.